The Art of Nostalgia & Heartbreak  You know the feeling. I know the feeling. More importantly, who doesn’t know the feeling?  Every time I get up at 4 in the morning and make myself some coffee; I think of her. My ex-best friend, who is, to date, the only reason why I haven’t quit drinking coffee. I drink coffee in a cup that she has, in a different colour. Taking the cup out of the kitchen drawer feels like a reenactment of our friendship; as if I’m somehow making coffee to spite her, except I kind of like it now. I honestly prefer Coca Cola, or even plain and simple “adrak wali chai”, but every time I make my coffee the way she taught me to; 1 tablespoon of instant coffee, 3 tablespoons of sugar, and 300ml of milk; I think about her. I think about every time we laughed together, every time I did her makeup, every time I helped her pick her outfit, every time I fought with her boyfriend for how he was treating her, every time I sent her flowers or food after a breakup or a family emergency, every time I sobbed to her, every time I told her about a new artist I found, and every time I begged her to be a good friend to me. The moment that last one hits, I forget about the rest. The adrenaline, the rush of blood, the look of love, the urge to call her and scream; it all goes away.  What you might be asking, is why? If she still causes me pain, even though it’s been months since we stopped being friends; why still make coffee with her exact recipe? To be honest, I don’t know either. Maybe it’s because it’s the only recipe I’ve ever bothered to try and have gotten used to, and it’s hard for me to leave my comfort zone and try another. Or maybe it’s because I miss her, and that one moment every single day is what’s keeping me from moving on, even though I want to, but maybe I feel some sort of guilt that prevents me from doing so. What exactly the reason is, I can’t answer; and probably won’t be able to for a very long time. What I can tell you is that this is completely normal. This feeling; the mixture of sadness, pain, guilt, nostalgia, anger and annoyance; it might never go away, but that’s fine. Sooner or later, even though it might take years, I will eventually stop making coffee the way she taught me to. I will eventually stop using that lip gloss; the one she used to come to my house to specifically borrow. I will eventually stop occasionally stalking her Spotify to see if she’s still listening to any of the music I introduced her to. I will eventually feel nothing when I see her stories on Instagram. I will eventually feel nothing when she walks past me, like we don’t know each other in the school corridor.  I will, and so will you. Who knows when; but the feeling will go away. To me, it’s more of an art than a feeling. Being able to remember someone and reliving the pain of a cut going too deep, for 5 minutes every day, while making coffee before school; that is something not everyone experiences. For those of us who do; congratulations to us. They can take everything and anything away from us, except two things; our minds, and our ability to experience what I like to call; “the art of nostalgia and heartbreak”. Platforms:🌐 ngoaquaterra.com | shikshaq.in📲 Instagram: @ngo.aquaterra | @roots.aquaterra | @ventures.aquaterra | @shikshaq.in💼 LinkedIn: NGO AquaTerra